The willpower to say NO

I always feel like I have a mental fight going on in my head everyday.  I look at what is on my plate (or someone else's plate for that matter) and think should I put it in my mouth.  Yes or No?  Then I try to justify why I should eat it and I'll eat less at my next meal or plan to walk it off.  Why can't I just say no?  Why?  I know what I need to do but sometimes I just don't do it.  Wished my No's would always win against my Yes.

EXERCISE!

Totally kicked my own ass this weekend - Saturday and Sunday - I did Teapot "Hill" hike up at Cultus Lake. 5km round trip and the elevation change is over 250 metres :) 10k in two days...nice! We had the first carrot from the garden today - Raegan got the honour, but she shared of course! Now I'm sitting here enjoying a G&T, even better.

Hope you are enjoying a FAB July 4th! Heard from Alfred that you went to your Dad's place. Hope the fireworks are AWESOME!

Another Farm Fresh Creation

Cut up and washed cucumbers drizzled with lemon juice and sprinkled with Mexican chile seasoning.

My Farm Fresh Creations

Sorry for the poor picture quality but here is a salad I made for dinner last night. Lettuce, carrots, cucumbers and tomatoes.

Farm Fresh to Me

One of my friends on FB posted a link to a great website www.farmfreshtoyou.com and I decided to take a peek to see all that she was raving about.

Locally grown, organic fruits and veggies delivered right to your door step. Couldn't get any easier right? Plus the price wasn't bad at all either.

My mission. To cook as many veggies as possible. To have the kids eat fruit every day. Part of my mission in getting healthy is to make sure all of us eat healthy.

I will post some pics of some of the things I made with my farm fresh veggies/fruit for me.

Stuck

Still stuck at 12lbs. The scale hasn't moved in weeks. I'm tired of being stuck. I need some sort of bootcamp or a chef or a personal trainer to kick my ass. Maybe counting calories will be the next step. UGH...I'm just so fed up with being stuck.

Tell me walking is fun

After this great weekend of eating food that is incredibly bad for me, I have decided that for the next four days I must walk. I must walk after work. No excuses anymore. Thanks to Summer, the sun doesn't go away for a while so I think I am out of excuses. Alfred is home now so I can walk while he watches the kids. (That was another excuse btw, my husband not being home.) So I'm out of excuses. Sweat must become my best friend.

My newest goal. 10 more pounds before Sherri comes to LA.

Guilt

Where is there such a thing as GUILT? I had an amazing weekend with the kids and Alfred, spent most of the weekend at the Disneyland Resort but of course I decided to enjoy myself and now I'm sitting here, staring at my computer screen wondering why. Why did I decide to put that in my mouth? Why am I sitting here feeling so fucken guilty? I work hard during the week and splurge on the weekends. Maybe I should actually stay home one of these weekends and eat like I'm supposed to and not do much. Is that possible? Is it possible for me to stay home on the weekends? Ummmmmm maybe not. But I hate fucken GUILT.

Miles for May

Well, I've gotta find motivation wherever I can - and damn, 29.95 miles for May, that's pretty awesome (if I do say so myself). Now if the scale moves this week, I'll be on CLOUD 9!

Since January 1st 2010, I've "ellipticalled" (is that a word?) 185 miles :)

My first Twenty

In 8 weeks I have lost 20 lbs. My first twenty. My first milestone. DONE. Although it feels great and I feel great, I know that I have a shitload more to go.

Vancouver, get ready for some Mexican hittin' up your town. Are you sure you are ready for me?

:)

So far so good. 12lbs down. This week was a bit of a set back. Rae had her dance pictures on Wednesday, so the gym didn't happen...but I did go Tues/Thurs. I weighed in this morning but didn't lose anything. My resolve is stronger than ever - I WILL LOSE this week. I need to be more diligent about tracking my meals and I need to eat my snacks. I always think, "if I skip the snack, then I'll lose," but that's not always the case!

Looking forward to our weekend in Vancouver next weekend! YIPPIE!

10%

3 weeks, 10 lbs, 10%.

I.MUST.DO.THIS.

90lbs left.

Here we go again...

Okay. Stopped fooling myself. Time to bring in the big guns. Weight Watchers. Day 5. Worked before, gonna work again.

Plus size no more!

So happy to be able to fit into 3 different pants that I haven't been able to wear in years! I also ventured to Old Navy on Friday and was happy to find out that I fit into regular clothes now! :D

Even hurts from a homeless drunk

Why is it that hearing the word "fatass" directed to me from a stupid lame fuck even hurt me? This man has nothing. He is fucken homeless and mentally ill and a stupid drunk. I it just bothers me that even the drunk asshole sees me as a fatass. Ugh.

WHY CAN'T THIS BE EASY?

Why is it that I can't control myself? WHY? Snacking when I'm not hungry...ugh...what is the reason for it? I need to get to the bottom of this or I'm never going to lose the weight - ever.

I don't have the motivation to do anything other than walk - and that needs to change. I need to get my ass sweating and NOW.

Why does food have to be so much MORE than fuel - it tastes good, it looks good, it smells good.

I sooooo didn't want to be "that" FAT Mom that didn't want to do certain things, b/c she was FAT. But this is me - and damn it, I need to change it.

How do skinny people not eat? Are they not hungry? Do they not think about food ALL. THE. TIME.? UGHHHHH!

Sweat

So sweat is supposed to be a good thing right? Why is it then that I hate sweating?!?!? Now that Southern California has become a hellhole during the summer months, I tend to hybernate in my nicely air conditioned apartment. Sweat means burning calories right? I need to sweat more. I need to like sweat.

Is our monthly visitor a reason to cheat?

Using the "oh I'm craving" or "oh I'm just really hormonal and a piece of chocolate will make me feel better" has been my excuse for cheating during that time of the month since I hit puberty. Thank goodness for WW desserts...somewhat satifys my "monthly excuse."

Feels like a big ball right in the center..

It is 10:33pm and I am heading to bed but I had to right this first. I ended up leaving the house (by force from Al) to go eat dinner at my ILs...don't ask what I ate btw. But on our way there, Al calls his mom and asks her what we need to bring. She says ice cream. We drive to a local ice cream shop and lo and behold standing right in front of this ice cream shop is this huge girl munching down on her ice cream. I stop and look at her thinking...."I wonder if people look at me the same way as I'm looking at her???" Totally and completely made me depressed. It felt like having a big ball right smack in the middle of my stomach....Susie

*side note* I will be heading to Santa Monica at 6am (7/6/09) to meet w/a DA (district attorney) about that one case I'm on in which I'm a witness. I've been a nervous wreck all day and need to find a way to get out of this case. I think I've told you about it before...but I can't write about it here. So I hope to talk to you tomorrow...wish me luck Sher... :(

UGH! That looks soooo good. Would the strawberries not count for somethin'? HA!

I don't fault you my friend. I think you've been wise so far...and I was no angel yesterday either. Almost 20 points on dinner alone :( Oh well, back on the "wagon" today.

I just feel so darn "out of it" today. The heat has made me completely lethargic...I don't want to do anything, and I get so CRANKY. UGH, UGH! Feel like taking a nap, and nothing else... That's what's killing me about the exercise, just don't have the motivation or the energy to "bother" right now. But I need it because, darn it, I like to eat!