Even hurts from a homeless drunk

Why is it that hearing the word "fatass" directed to me from a stupid lame fuck even hurt me? This man has nothing. He is fucken homeless and mentally ill and a stupid drunk. I it just bothers me that even the drunk asshole sees me as a fatass. Ugh.

WHY CAN'T THIS BE EASY?

Why is it that I can't control myself? WHY? Snacking when I'm not hungry...ugh...what is the reason for it? I need to get to the bottom of this or I'm never going to lose the weight - ever.

I don't have the motivation to do anything other than walk - and that needs to change. I need to get my ass sweating and NOW.

Why does food have to be so much MORE than fuel - it tastes good, it looks good, it smells good.

I sooooo didn't want to be "that" FAT Mom that didn't want to do certain things, b/c she was FAT. But this is me - and damn it, I need to change it.

How do skinny people not eat? Are they not hungry? Do they not think about food ALL. THE. TIME.? UGHHHHH!

Sweat

So sweat is supposed to be a good thing right? Why is it then that I hate sweating?!?!? Now that Southern California has become a hellhole during the summer months, I tend to hybernate in my nicely air conditioned apartment. Sweat means burning calories right? I need to sweat more. I need to like sweat.

Is our monthly visitor a reason to cheat?

Using the "oh I'm craving" or "oh I'm just really hormonal and a piece of chocolate will make me feel better" has been my excuse for cheating during that time of the month since I hit puberty. Thank goodness for WW desserts...somewhat satifys my "monthly excuse."

Feels like a big ball right in the center..

It is 10:33pm and I am heading to bed but I had to right this first. I ended up leaving the house (by force from Al) to go eat dinner at my ILs...don't ask what I ate btw. But on our way there, Al calls his mom and asks her what we need to bring. She says ice cream. We drive to a local ice cream shop and lo and behold standing right in front of this ice cream shop is this huge girl munching down on her ice cream. I stop and look at her thinking...."I wonder if people look at me the same way as I'm looking at her???" Totally and completely made me depressed. It felt like having a big ball right smack in the middle of my stomach....Susie

*side note* I will be heading to Santa Monica at 6am (7/6/09) to meet w/a DA (district attorney) about that one case I'm on in which I'm a witness. I've been a nervous wreck all day and need to find a way to get out of this case. I think I've told you about it before...but I can't write about it here. So I hope to talk to you tomorrow...wish me luck Sher... :(

UGH! That looks soooo good. Would the strawberries not count for somethin'? HA!

I don't fault you my friend. I think you've been wise so far...and I was no angel yesterday either. Almost 20 points on dinner alone :( Oh well, back on the "wagon" today.

I just feel so darn "out of it" today. The heat has made me completely lethargic...I don't want to do anything, and I get so CRANKY. UGH, UGH! Feel like taking a nap, and nothing else... That's what's killing me about the exercise, just don't have the motivation or the energy to "bother" right now. But I need it because, darn it, I like to eat!

And here is why it was so hard today....

*take your mind outta the gutter* it's not that kinda hard ;)

At my dad's block party, someone brought this to share....*drooling* torture, just torture...

Fessin' Up

Ok Sher...I gotta confess and this is better than confessing over an MSN chat. lol I did HORRIBLE today...I'm not gonna lie at all. I did good for breakfast and good for lunch but I totally fucked up at dinner. Ate wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too much. So in fearing you I tell you here..... Susie ;)

Ok Seriously...no cottage cheese?!?!? WTF!

Today for 4th of July Alfred wanted to go out to eat breakfast at a nice local restaurant that is KNOWN for breakfast. Not just your regular Denny's but a realllyyyy nice restaurant. I look at the menu, trying to decide what I CAN eat. So I decide to get an omellete with egg beaters and veggies. I ask for cottage cheese instead of their home potatoes and they say, "sorry we don't carry cottage cheese." WHATTTTTTTTTTT!!! Seriously! What the heck man! How can a niceass restaurant not carry cottage cheese??!! grrrrrrrrrrrr They have freaken frittatas and other fancy crap but no cottage cheese?!! ugh.....Susie

Secret eating and other weight loss pitfalls....

Okay, I've gotta get real. Seriously, eating in "secret" is not fooling anyone, and it's not doing ME any good. Snacking in the afternoon is killing me. I have to stick to the plan, and then find something to do to distract myself. My meals are good. Snacking, not so good.

Then there's exercise..........walking has pretty much been it lately, and it's not even been regularly. UGH! Why does this have to be so darn hard? Sher

My lil nudist wearing slippers

Adventures in grocery shopping...

I made a small trip to the grocery store today to get essentials. I pass through the bakery aisle, I pass through the cookies and chips aisle, I pass through the pastas, frozen pizzas and sadly wave goodbye. Part of me is angry. Part of me is sad. Why? Why is it that I just can't have what I really want? Why is it that I put so much energy into wanting foods that just aren't good for me? Every aspect of losing weight is hard. Its just not about workouts, or dieting but its things like going to the grocery store.......Susie

This is Susie

This is Sherri